So yesterday an EliteDaily headline started dropping down my newsfeed: “They Just Don’t Make Men Like They Used To.” I had to click it because, well, I wanted to see if it was another BS attempt at blaming the opposite sex for the things the author hates about dating. It was. Written by Lauren “LMONEY” Martin (who has 1036 articles published on ED to date), and posted in the “Women” section of the site, the article is basically summed up in the headline. She says:
I love how they wait for you on benches and listen to the details of your day. I love how they talk about women with respect and admiration. I love how they take pride in their appearance but more pride in their actions. I love how they drink but can hold their liquor. I love how they are strong and stable. Oh wait, I’m sorry, these men don’t exist anymore.
Ok, she had my attention…
No longer is it clean sweaters and nice shoes, but t-shirts with the sleeves cut off and Air Jordans. No longer is it subtle compliments and passing glances, but whistling out of car windows and misleading emojis. No longer is it conversations about women with depth and real beauty, but tits and ass, always tits and ass.
Now, I know that Cary Grant, Marlon Brando and Frank Sinatra were figures created by Hollywood, but it’s about what they represented — which was style.
She actually then goes into a whole “funny,” specific list of things that men used to do that they don’t do anymore. I won’t list them all here, but you can check her out (man I hate giving stupid things good traffic). What I will do is say my piece.
Ok. So let me first say that she did do the obligatory yes-I-know-it’s-not-everyone-I-do-know-some-good-boys thing to make her generalizations seem more effective, so I guess I’ll do the same… Actually F-that. I won’t. That was stupid first and foremost because she actually said the word “boys” and then continued to say that she knows some “boys who [she thinks] will grow up to epitomize what men used to be.”
So I guess she’s been hanging around the playground lately these days?
Anyway, here’s the problem: there really isn’t one. And this has nothing to do with the fact that it targets men. I read another article on ED a few months back that was titled something like “Chivarly is Dead and Women Killed It.” Once again, it was catchy, but fell flat. Both arguments are written by whiny people who I assume are struggling to find their mate, just like all of us. Unlike all of us, they want to take the blame out of their own hands. But I’ll get to that later. Let’s start with some of the specifics that LMONEY laid out for us…
However, like anything in this world, generalizations are formed when trends are set and the men today have been setting some pretty bad ones. No longer is it smoking cigars and drinking brandy, but popping molly and smoking perks.
I have a lot to say about this. These two sentences are huge to me. First of all, EVERYONE knows that WOMEN drive the trends that men use to find women. I can’t say it has always been that way, but they damn sure do now. Women may not have all the power in one-on-one interaction with their potential partner, especially if trying to be supportive and whatnot, but as she used the term “generalizations,” so will I. Generally, men respond to what women want. Just look at any one of my friends who have straight hair. They all have the SAME DAMN HAIRCUT.
Why does everyone have this cut? Because women have determined it to be the best right now. Obviously, it varies slightly from man to man, but the above + some stubble = that dude is probably getting laid. Does every man have it? No. But the dudes who live where I do do. Trust me, if women liked bowl cuts again, I’d even try to figure out how to grow a bowl cut Afro. We as men literally will do anything if a woman likes it. I’ll also expand on that later, but Katt Williams lays it out perfectly while describing why he keeps Alize in his house:
I know those are just a couple of examples, but I doubt I really have to list the entirety that is the male existence to prove that point. But she then mentions drugs and alcohol. I love this. It’s like she’s never been to a whiskey bar in her life. Listen closely — and this can apply to many parts of her article as well — if you want something, KNOW WHERE TO CODDAMN FIND IT. If you want to part take in the finer things, go to finer places. YOU WILL FIND PEOPLE THERE WHO SHARE YOUR INTERESTS.
Why is that important? Well because I know I can go to Seven Grand in Downtown LA, to The Edison, to Wood and Vine in Hollywood, Blind Barber in Culver City, and to Tasting Kitchen in Venice (and many, many more) and find guys who enjoy Whiskey and prefer it to Molly. If you only go to EDM venues and follow Skrillex on Instagram, then it will be tough to a) avoid dudes who like molly, b) expect to find a simple man who enjoys his whiskey, and c) expect that simple man, on the off chance that you meet one, to have much in common with you. That’s like me expecting to meet a Rolex at Walmart.
Oh, and your boy Cary Grant? The type of guy you “miss”? He was real big on LSD, not so much Whiskey.
Which brings me to another point. What is with all this nostalgia for the days before women had any social rights? Do you really miss those days? First of all, how do you miss something you never knew? Does getting married at age 17, probably by shotgun, to a dude from your high school town of 400 people, and raising his kids while he cheats on you every chance he gets because “boys will be boys,” and his job flipping burgers and changing oil (at the same time — so manly) brings home the bacon? Maybe that’s the dream of some people, but it can’t be many. Women so often conjure visions of courtship and true love from the old days — not just lust and sex — so I understand why they seem desirable. But guess what, FEMINISM changed that, and in my opinion, for the better.
People always say the divorce rate is rising all the time. Did you know it’s actually falling? Since when? Well, in the sixties, when feminism finally started making real progress, women started fleeing their husbands at crazy high rates. Much higher than now. Now that people have more choices, more time to decide if marriage is for them, and more education and opportunity so that they don’t depend on us “manly men of the past,” the divorce rate (and marriage rate) has been steadily falling. Go figure.
Also, when thinking about the past, you can’t just bring up three bad ass movie stars and think that it was all zuit suits and swing dances. Have you seen Lawless? I like that example of the past much better as most americans did not live in big cities. If you take away the violence, it’s just about regular (poor) folk trying to make it. They’re wearing ties, I guess, and because they’re movie stars they look nice, but then google the people the movie was based on. Does that look sexy to you? For every Sinatra, there were a million dudes who didn’t even own a suit. And seriously, regardless of the time, do you really think men don’t know they look better in suits? Women love them. We know. Them shits be ‘spensive, yo.
But it’s not about that. It’s about the style. The romance. It’s about gestures.
I understand that. This to me is the biggest thing she misses. This is the one main thing I want to make clear. When I said I’d elaborate all those times before, it was leading to this.
Ok. Think hard. Really hard. If you’re in a relationship and in love, then stop thinking. You’re cool. If not, then think. Does an article like hers (or that women killed chivalry) really apply to you? Women, are there truly no men in your life who will buy you flowers and take you to nice dinners and hold the door open for you? Men, are there really no women who prefer to take it slow, make you work for it, and who are worth it in the end? I know people want to just shout that there aren’t, but that’s not true. You just don’t like the person who is offering you those things. You like the person who offers you NONE of it. Call it human nature. Call it stupidity. Call it whatever you want. It’s true.
The big thing we always think when we don’t get what we want out of someone else is that they just don’t do those things. I once fell for a girl and used to wonder why she would never open up. I figured it was part of her personality to be distant, to be kind of a bitch, to never let me get too close. Then one day I found an elaborate love letter she wrote to another dude begging him to do the same thing that I wanted from her. She wanted just a little more effort. She even mentioned how she did things for him she didn’t do for anyone else. I realized I was never that guy. So here’s the newsflash, everyone is doing that for SOMEONE. If it aint you, then it AINT you. It has nothing to do with the fact that shit just ain’t how it used to be.
The worst part of LMONEY’s article is that she thinks she’s WORTH all that stuff she listed. We don’t know that. Why would anyone waste their time courting someone who isn’t worth it. I think Justin Timberlake is the modern movie star gentleman. Does this chick really think she’s going to find someone like that? She’s going to find the diamond in the rough dude with chilling good looks and the whole package and never worry again? I can tell you this, especially since she brought up how men dress so many times, I know a ton of dudes who have that haircut above, who dress like bosses, who are educated, who treat women with respect, and are actually cool dudes. What the hell has she done to qualify anything from them, besides the sex they might want if she’s decent looking and the timing works out? These dudes are going to wife up women no one else can get. Why do average people look at people who are not in their league and not get it? This goes both ways (just listen to Jenna Marbles “Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last“), too fellas. Stop waiting for Gisele. She’s not showing up at TKE at Arizona State.
Lastly, take a look at this. What does it make you think of?
If you answered something like “so romantic,” or “that’s true love,” or “that’s what I want” then you’re probably lying. Do you know the real story behind this? The dude (who actually just passed away this week, RIP) literally just came out of the subway and found the first girl he saw and kissed her. They didn’t date or get married or any of that. Just a moment.
I know for a coddamn fact, that if you were walking past the metro station on Hollywood BLVD during a parade and some dude jumped out of the subway, dipped, and kissed you, you’d shit a coddamn brick. First, you’d hope none of the other dudes you’re talking to saw you, then you’d get pissed off, then you’d tell your bestie about it and start with something like “OMG, I can’t. I just can’t. First I got a flat tire on Monday, and then the creepiest dude like literally comes out of the subway and tries to put his tongue down my throat. What is wrong with dudes today?”
I bring this up because, and this goes for both men and women, acting like they did in the old days gets you called creepy. And if the girl likes you, you get called a friend. If a dude likes you, he’ll think you’re clingy and avoid you (but still try to hit it of course). But we can’t all sit here and pretend that there aren’t people who have an idea like that of the above photo, so romantic and in the moment, and would love to share it with us. We all have that. Someone loves all of us, but we don’t want it. We want difficult. We want a challenge. We are all stupid.
Just acknowledge when you’re being stupid and stop blaming the times. You’ll find what you’re looking for, it just may take a while. You’ve got billions of options.