Funny Myspace Messages 10

{Go back and check out earlier installments if you haven’t already}

It’s been quite a while since the last “Funny MySpace Messages” dropped, but that’s ok. I think you’ll find the same craziness here that you’re accustomed to finding in my MySpace inbox. In addition to my messages, I’ve got a couple of Clay’s and a even one of Prelle’s. Let’s do it.

I’ll start if off with a girl who was featured in the last installment. She, like so many others, just would NOT STOP with the messages. I just don’t understand why a person would keep sending messages over months and months. Well, “Irene a.k.a. ‘sex big mommy’” and I don’t see eye to eye on this because, in addition to the messages she sent me before, she sent me these as well:

No Subject

Body:

hello sup with you?? 

Then, 2 months later:

Subject:

No Subject

Body:

hello … 

How many times can you say hello before someone wants to gag your face (see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)? The lack of interest on my part is clear. There is no answer, therefore there should be no more questions. It aint hard to see why:

Her makeup container is empty for a reason… it’s all on her FACE.

Anyway, the sexy big mommy was a little too much big mommy for me, but I do commend her for using an appropriate display name. One that described her as well as she believed it could. The next girl had a display name that I had to laugh at.

Meet “WARNING- U COULD FALL INLOVE” (yes that was her screen name):

Hahaha no way did I read that name, then see this picture, then laugh so hard that tears came rolling down my face. I guess the laughter wasn’t all about the picture above,

or this picture,

or this picture.

It was a combination of all of that and the message I got:

Jun 24 2008 2:10 PM 

whuts gd sweety….stoppin throu showin sum sexy luv wit chocolate over it….hope u return it

I had never been offered “sexy luv wit chocolate over it” before, but upon receiving my first taste, I realized that I COULD fall in love…

PSYCH!

Then there was “Nay Nay.” 

“Nay Nay” sent me this:

Subject: Yo daddy

Body:

Can I be in your tops

The queen bitch

By the way, this is “Nay Nay” profile pic:

I’m just going to ask a series of questions and you can do your best to answer, because I have no clue.

1. Is she the queen of the Bitches?

2. What is she wearing, a sheet?

3. Does she have on matching socks?

4. Is she even a she?

5. What are these poses all about?

6. Seriously, these poses are kind of scary, right?

7. Who took these pictures?

8. Did the person who took the pictures approve of such poses?

9. A random cable cord??

10. What is this room? I’d guess laundry, but its too skinny. Seriously, the cable cord throws me way off.

11. Mop?

Thanks for your help.

I’ll take this time to showcase some of Clay’s strange MySpace stalkers. These people must not know that Clay is not a contender to win the “Dance Off,” because they love him… Especially the males. Like DL DUDE:

He sent some simple message that I can no longer find, but it was definitely of the “hollar” variety. Then I found this on his “About Me”:

Wuz good myspace…um im really 17, I’M A BOTTOM..n im reall bullsh*t intolerant…i dont f*cc wit fakez…cuz im not…iText™…get at me for the number..my real page..or anything else

Clay gets hit on by underage men more than any 24 year old straight man on earth not wearing a dress in the Castro. He’s not homophobic, and neither am I, but we just can’t figure it out. Well, I think Clay may have had a heart attack when he saw the message from “LET IT RAIN ON ME”:

From: LET IT RAIN ON ME 

Date: Sep 13, 2008 7:49 PM

yo wats gud thankx 4 da add u sexy ass hell ill let u hite it from da back and in any way u wnt it dats how sexy u are 

I was drinking water while reading that message for the first time. I clearly had a gag reaction and spit all the water out of my mouth, barely dodging my laptop screen but dousing the food that was on the table next to me. I don’t even think any further commentary is necessary on that one. Just wow. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, or overweight, that’s a lot to send a stranger over the internet.

The last thing Clay forwarded to me was just a photo that someone posted as a comment of his page that he thought was weird:

I think it’s weird too, Clay.  I think it’s weird too.

Back to my messages. I got a male message too, although it had nothing to do with a sexual advance. It was from “Mattney.” He actually felt so compelled to say it that he posted the same comment TWICE.

“you is a fake ass gilbert arenas you dont even play in the nba….”

Oh man here we go again. It’s like how stupid do you have to be, guy? You come to my page, click on my photos, find a D-League photo and comment that on it? You must not have a life. 

I looked at his page for a second and realized that he indeed, does not.

For starters, find a new pose, a new hat, and some new wallpaper. “You fake ass thug, you don’t even live in New York.” 

This was his “About Me”:

ha namez Matthew or but i go by matt or mattney Im pretty much a chilled person and tymez i can be funny and crazy and i lyke to go to parties i also lyke hanging out with my friendz and im not fully white im mixed wit some things and god comes first in my life then my familia then my friendz cause they are wat keeps me goin everyday… my sports are track,football,and basketball,and im a junior at pearland highschool and i dislike drama so dont bring ur drama to me if u want to know more hit me wit a msg or a cmmt…

Secondly, Mr run-on-sentence, putting a Y instead of an I makes you lame. Claiming that you’re not fully white doesn’t justify the use weird abbreviations and writing on a keyboard like you’re texting you some other lame high schooler.

Lastly, if you dislike drama, don’t go on a grown man’s page, wearing that effing shirt (once again, see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall), during recess, if you REALLY have something better to do. Clearly you don’t. The end. Eat a fruit roll up and STFU.

I’ll leave you all with the first message that Prelle has sent to me. I think it’s TMRB worthy. You have to remember that Prelle was a model on the “Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency” TV show for two seasons. Therefore, he does have quite a few fans. Here is the best fan message in my opinion. It was from “Rasheen”:

HEY

Body:

HEY CHRISTIAN … 

HOW ARE U DOING???

MY NAME IS RASHEEN P****… 

IM 15 YEARS OF AGE… 

I’m a freshman AT NEW WORLD SCHOOL OF THE ARTS.. 

IN MIAMI FL. 

I MAJOR IN DANCE… 

I LOVE YOU AND THE JANICE DICKINSON MODELING SHOW… 

I WONT TO BECOME A UNDERWEAR MODEL SOME DAY… 

I WOULD LOVE TO BE YOU.. 

I WOULD DO ANYTHING YOU SAY… 

I WOULD LOVE TO MODEL WITH YOU SOME DAY.. 

WHEN I GET OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL…. 

SO CAN YOU HELP ME WITH SOME TIPS TO BECOME A UNDERWEAR MODEL????

YOU CAN CALL ME MY NUMBER IS *** *** ****

OR YOU CAN E MAIL *****@BELLSOUTH. NET 

Is this for real? Would he really do ANYTHING prelle said? Does he really want to be an underwear model at age 15? Did he really think Prelle would call him? I know he majors in dance, but do they teach English at that school too? 

I guess it’s just the way an aspiring underwear model does things.

Until next time… The End.

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