My Buddy Rell, Male Model.

I’m with 6 of my teammates. It’s movie night so we all have the popcorn out watching Superbad on my 73 inch T.V. Right after the fight scene outside the random party where the guy says that his “tiger got out of the cage”, I jump out of my seat and tell everyone to hold on. I grab the remote, still shocked that I almost forgot, take the T.V. off of DVD mode and put it back on cable box. I look through the channel guide until I find the Oxygen network. Boom. I set the DVR to record “Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency” which starts in 2 minutes, look around the room at the stunned faces staring back at me, then return to the movie.

My teammates didn’t understand what I did. Too bad for them. I knew full well that my pants down dancing parter Christian Prelle was making his T.V. debut that night. He was selected by Janice as one of her models to headline her newly created Latin division

Rell, as he called by those who know him, was my teammate and my roommate for a year at CAL. This is the same guy who was right along side me as I went through my “I’m gonna take a megaphone with me everywhere I go just to cause a scene” phase. This is the guy who used to cook SPAM like it was some sort of delicasy. This is the same guy who was a part of my very first music video. You will never see this video because it was a valentines day video where I said sweet nothings to my then girlfriend. I will tell you that we had a line that went:

“(my part) Zero and RELL with their two breezes,

like pasta shells with the finest cheeses,

(Rell’s part) when they’re away it aint no fun,

like mid summer, without the sun”

Rell is the only person will literally, always challenge me for the attention of the room. However, when we combine our forces, it is always an event. Whether it’s beating halo on co-op mode, watching The Hills (I call him Spencer and he hates it), or pants down dancing, we always get it done. We definitely bring out the cockiness in one another. In fact, we kind of have a credo that we took from The Sandlot: “Heroes live forever, but legends never die.”

With that said, this modeling thing has given me soooo much to make fun of him for. There are so many emails going back and forth within the former CAL hoops group that involve this guy right now. I mean this is the guy who would head butt a guy who looked at him the wrong way, now he’s taken on a whole new persona.

Pictures of RELL used to look like this:

 

Solid, right? Rell is a tough looking, party loving animal. These were the days when modeling was just a distant thought on an ambitious day. Now his pictures tend to look like this:

 

Notice the hair. That coddamn hair! Cmon Rell! I’m sure he didn’t have to make his hair look like that, but somewhere along the way he bought it. Oh well, it got him a big time modeling gig.

You may be reading this thinking that you haven’t really seen anything so bad. This is true. See, there were two before pictures, and there are two after pictures. I just need to set up the second one a little bit first. This picture was emailed to me the second it was discovered. Upon receipt, I immediately forwarded it to everyone I knew. I then proceeded to call Rell up and he didn’t answer…for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t answer my phone either if I discovered this:

 

Wow. The prices we pay for success! For starters, this picture is on a site called MEN.BGAY.COM. No way right now. No way. Then you look at this thing and you see that a guy has his head on Rell’s thigh. Then you see that this guy is wearing lace underwear, which is gross. Then you see that Rell has his arm on this guys side. Then you see that that same arm is rubbing against Guy #2’s balls. When he signed up for Janice Dickinson I doubt that he envisioned this picture ever being taken. Beyond that he definitely didn’t think it would ever surface, but it did.

So I’ve built Rell up and knocked him down. Now, I’ll hype him right back up. You need to watch this guys show. Seriously. I think it comes on Tuesdays at 9:30pm. If nothing else you get to see a former macho guy get naked and take funny pictures and witness the mental conflict he struggles with as he makes it big as a model. All of that, plus he hyped up the Boom Tho! movement in his Janice Dickinson profile.

To quote Rell when talking about himself: “We can’t all be legends. Someone has to sit on the curb and clap as I go by.”

I clap for this stuff every day.

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