Jerome Beasely Strikes Back

If you remember before, Jerome Beasely claimed that he can do everything.  If it can be done, he can do it.  Well I got flooded with suggestions of things you thought he couldn’t do.  You were all wrong.  He can do everything you asked of him.  Yea, that’s right.  Everything.  I know some of you are like “No way, mine was IMPOSSIBLE.”  Alas, he can do them all.  The only thing he says he can’t do is be a woman, so those of you who suggested pregnancy win by default I guess.  Everyone else?  You lose.  He can do them all…well, so he says.  I picked out some of my favorites that were sent to me so you can be the judge.  Is JB all talk or can he really do everything?  Let’s see… 

JB can you… 

Become an 8th Degree blackbelt? 

    Easy, yes, I’m already 1st degree 

Drink a gallon of milk in a half hour? 

    Yes, as long as I can throw up 

Climb a brick wall? 

    How high is the wall? 

Eat a stick of butter in a minute? 

    Yes, with my drink of choice 

Juggle 5 basketballs? 

    Yes, with an hour of practice 

Complete every dunk that ever won an NBA Dunk contest? 

    Yes, what height rim? 

Swallow a sword? 

    What size sword? 

Lie on a Lie detector and pass? 

    Of course I can, it checks heart rate and pulse, thats easy 

Fill out a March Madness bracket exactly right? 

    Yes, with the assistance of a psychic. 

Win American Idol? 

    Yes, the people would love me 

Beat Rod Benson at Madden? (yea right) 

    Yes, with the same amount of practice I would destroy him 

Kiss your elbow? 

    Yes, I can lick it and I consdier that kissing 

Keep your eyes open while sneezing? 

    Depends on how hard the sneeze is 

Whistle within 10 seconds of sucking on a lemon? 

    Build up you saliva glands and it’s easy 

Eat 15 saltine crackers in a minute? 

    With or without a drink? 

Dunk on a 12 foot rim? 

    Thats easy.  I’m 6’11” with a 36 inch vert.  What do you think? 

Get Halle Berry’s number? 

    Thats easy.  You just gotta catch her at the right time. At a cafe by herself it’s guaranteed.  In front of all the cameras and bright lights, it would be harder, but not impossible.  If shes married then no, I dont do that. 

Turn a gay man straight? 

    Yes.  Let him watch me and the baddest girl f*#k, he would see how much fun it is.  After that he would want to take part and hit it too. 

Do a handstand for 2 minutes and not lean against a wall to get yourself up or stay up? 

    That’s a good question because you are specific, however, with 3 days practice, guaranteed. 

Have someone touch the back of your throat and not gag? 

    If a sexy woman asked me to then yes.  Rod, you mean to tell me that if Jennifer Lopez said ‘Rod if you don’t gag I’ll f*%k the sh*t out of you’ you would still gag? 

Could you cook a Hot Pocket so hot that not even YOU could eat it? (My personal favorite) 

    Yes, all I need is ice water. 


Well that’s about it.  Looks like all of you failed at finding something JB can’t do.  I suggest you try harder.

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