Hollywood

It really feels good to be back in California right now.  It’s 66 degrees (I used to think that was a little cold), there are beautiful women, and there are things to do…a lot of things.  We got in on Friday to play the Anaheim Arsenal on Saturday so it was pretty much official that I’d have to go out friday night to have any chance of offsetting the weeks of boredom spent in Bismarck.  Seriously, I honestly, really, spent Tuesday – Friday sitting at the dining room table, eating Hamburger Helper (lasagna flavor of course), wearing nothing but boxers and a comforter, hitting “refresh” on my myspace home page.  If that doesn’t sound lame to you, I don’t know what does, but I digress.  Everyone was going out and taking advantage of the change of scenery.  I had my whole entourage in town so I went out with them.  To be more specific, there was Rell, JGANT, Renee, Christina, Alex, Mario, and Becca. 

  

Some interesting notes about our night at the club: 

Rell: 

My boy Rell is a real lightweight when it comes to his drinks.   He makes these faces every time he consumes alcohol like his appendix just burst because he can’t stand the taste.  He will literally take a shot, wait ten seconds, and then say “mann, Im kinda feelin it.”  Anyways, before we left for “AREA”, I had filled up my cup from In ‘N Out with 3/4 Vodka and 1/4 Coke, but didn’t tell anyone.  I pressured Rell into taking a shot even though he wanted to wait a little bit.  No joke, I poured him a triple shot, maybe a quadruple and basically just harassed him into taking it.  His only request was that I give him a chaser.  “I have some Coke,” I said.  He grabs the “Coke” and sets it on the counter next to him.  I count down “3, 2, 1!”  He takes the super shot kinda slowly because he knows how much it is, then lunges for the “Coke” and throws it down his throat like Napoleon Dynamite drinks his Gatorade after practicing dance moves.  I swear it was one of the funniest moments of all time as his mind tells him that the shot has been chased, but his throat and mouth ring like there’s a three alarm fire in his asophogous.  He basically runs around the kitchen screaming for a real chaser.  He yells at Mario “What’s in here?!”  Mario says “Lemonade.”  Rell yanks Mario’s cup from his hands and begins to chug, “—and vodka.”  Mario says.  Rell flips out because he has probably just swallowed about 8 shots in 12 seconds.  He runs to the sink and spits out whatever is left in hist mouth as the rest of us in the kitchen are just laughing at the top of our lungs.  Here’s Rell snatching some real orange juice from Alex’s hands: 

It’s blurry because I was laughing so hard, but you can basically see the look on his face — so much pain and shame in those eyes.  As you could guess, that drink melee really got to him.  How bad did it get to him?  Take a look: 

As you can see, he’s not in this photo.  That’s not important here is that I don’t know this girl.  In fact, the only reason I have this photo is because as soon as I walked into club AREA, no joke, this girl walked right up to me and asked “Are you famous?” and wanted to take a pic with me (Hollywood, what a place).  But anyways Rell, literally kicked this girl in the head…twice.  He said he was trying to see if he could kick his leg over her head.  He was unsuccessful so he tried again.  I stood there and watched his foot kind of bobble between her neck and shoulder and she screamed in disgust.  But he didn’t stop there, no, this is “One Shot Rell.”  8 shots take it a little further: 

Yea, that’s him alright.  Shirt up, pants down.  I question myself as to why I took this photo, but then I remember that I took it for you.  In his defense, this used to be our signature move.  We would take our pants down for a song or two back at Berkeley house parties.  But now, at a big time club, in our grown man gear?  No way was I even thinking about it.   

You can see all the wacky photos from the night in the Photo section. 

So I had a great time that night but I had to get to work the next day as we had a game.  Oh yea I only grabbed 21 rebounds on em holla at ur boy!  Wow It must have been all the beautiful women and warm weather or somethin because I havent gotten that many boards since high school.  It was also cool because about 15 people came to watch me play.  It’s always nice to have friends and family come out and support me. 

I mentioned it earlier, but I need to revisit the “Are you famous?” line.  Hollywood is pretty much the only place where a question like this could really be asked.  Yea, she got kicked in the head later that night, but still she could ask it.  It’s because in Hollywood there are two types of people: people who are somebody and people who pretend to be somebody.  Either way, someone like me is a lot better physically equipped to handle such situations being that I’m 6’10”.  In a club like “AREA”, there are always big time people doing big time things.  It basically costs you $1000 just to sit down at a table so you if you see someone sitting, expect that they are big time (or just fronting and going broke until the 15th of the month). 

In Hollywood you tend to see a lot of interesting things.  Like imagine you’re on the freeway, half asleep, and you see a Chevy Aveo pass you by.  In North Dakota I wouldn’t even think twice because Aveo’s are some of the lamest cars ever made, especially since the only way I would fit inside of one would be to remove the drivers seat and drive from the back seat.  But in Hollywood, the land of people who do too much, you might look twice at this Aveo:  

Yea, in case you can’t see it right or you think you’re trippin, that really does read “Da Baddest Bitch” right there on the back of the car.  It really reminds me of a bad myspace display name.  This is the exact type of girl who will one day see my page and message me with “u lukk gud git wit the da baddest b holla bakk” or something retarded like that.  She basically just publicly identified herself not only as “da baddest bitch,” but also as a walking billboard for the new book “How to Look Like a Dummy — for Dummies.” 

Well despite the lack of common sense amongst some people, I still love my SoCal.  I can’t wait to come back down here in April after my season’s over.  Thanks to all those who came out and watched me (Renee, Alex, Branden, Mario, JGant, Becca, Rell, Christina, Mom, Terrance, Keelon, Sjondron, THE Stacy D, and Tila).  You guys just remember that when I go back to Bismarck and I’m refreshing my Myspace and lowering the temperate from “Boiling” to a low “Simmer” as directed by my hamburger helper box, that you are in my thoughts.

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